Connections

Have you ever met those people, who, when you are first introduced to them, there is an instant connection that runs deeper between you than in most of your other friendships? Up until recently, I wasn't able to say that I ever had. Friends were a foreign concept to me, and an intimate connection with someone was unheard of. I had pushed people away because I thought they would hurt me just like everyone else had in my past. I didn't want to have a personal relationship with anyone; I was scared to trust again! I assumed friends would just ditch me, because they always had, when someone else cooler came along. I was perfectly content in my little bubble of selfishness, where I knew no one could hurt me.
But this past week, I was hurtled outside of my pathetic little circle of comfort into something better than I could have ever imagined. This past week (8th-12th), was my church's regional youth camp. It was my last year as a camper, so I decided to make sure this was the best year yet! I had my core group of friends, who know parts of my past, but didn't really ever talk about it, and I was perfectly ok with that. I felt comfortable walking on campus that bright Monday morning, thinking I would spend time with those I knew, and the people from out of town who I had been waiting over a year to see. God had such bigger plans though.
He placed people in my path, that I would never have expected myself to hang out with. I was SO out of my comfort zone when I first met them, and I caught myself freaking out whenever they wanted to spend more time with me and my friends. I just kind of shrugged it off, and shut down, like I always do!
Wednesday night, I had a word spoken over me, that was exactly what I needed to hear, and dealt so perfectly with the situation I was in. I sat there and cried in my friends arms, as only she knew what pain that word had brought to the surface of my life. It was then that I looked around and saw so many of my friends ministering to each other. Kids that swore they hated each other were praying for each other, and together, were praying for those around them. I heard this little voice in my head as clear as if it was standing right next to me. All it said was "If you would let go of the fear of what man can do to you, I could use you in greater capacities than this." Then the voice quoted the verse that says "And if our God is for us, than who can stand against us?" (My paraphrase of course!) Right then and there, I knew I had to give up my fear of what others would do to me. God has placed people in my life for a reason; some to hurt me so deeply, that all I can do it run back to Him, others he placed in my life to encourage me and show me that He has never left me.
After those words were spoken into my life, I wanted so desperately to be able to speak into someone else's life the way that one particular leader had for me. But nothing came to me that night. I watched some of my closest friends pray over people they didn't even know, and God worked through them in ways I never could have imagined. Still, I had that deep longing to make a difference.
Thursday night came around, and was even better than Wednesday night. People were being baptized in the Holy Spirit, and the presence of God was so tangible in that sanctuary. I balled my eyes out watching those who I knew had struggled so much in the past, completely turn their lives around that night. But still, I didn't feel as though God had given me any words for anyone, and I was frustrated. The night wore on, and my favorite part of the week, skits, turned out awesome. I was so physically exhausted when I headed back to my cabin, that all I wanted to do was sleep for a week. But it was then that God placed something on my heart for three people I had met that week. Being the selfish human I am, I blew it off, just wanting to do nothing but finally catch some z's ( I probably only slept about 12 hours the whole 4 nights we were there!)
Sometimes I hate the way God decides to get my attention. That night, as soon as I laid down, it was like someone gave me a huge shot of caffeine; I couldn't sleep a wink. I knew then, that I had to write letters to those individuals he had set on my heart. When I started praying that God would give me the words to say, I started to freak out. Some of the things he wanted me to write were things I probably shouldn't know about these people, and I really started to doubt this was what I was supposed to do. How would they take it considering I had met them only 3 days earlier? What if I was wrong? What would they think? I took a step and wrote the letters despite the voices in my head telling me I would regret it, and that I couldn't change anything by writing.
Friday morning came bright and early, and the group these people were in were leaving early, so I knew I had to do it. I didn't get the chance to give the letters in person, but I know they received them. I don't know if they were right, or if they made any difference at all, but I have to trust God that it was what they needed!
God placed people in my life that made a difference in my life, whether they knew it or not. I have talked to almost all of them everyday since camp, and I know I will continue to, because I need them to help me in my walk with God. But there are certain ones that I feel a certain connection with. I feel as though God has placed them on  my heart to be more than casual friends with. He put them in my life for me to pour into them, and to encourage them to pursue all the desires God has placed on their heart. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have them in my life, even some I only have known for a week! I have a relationship with them that feels deeper than some of the friendships I have had for years. Maybe its God working something special in all of our lives, or just that I have seen some of their struggles, and I can't wait to see what God does in the future. But then there are others here at home, that God is putting in my life, for reasons, I don't quite understand yet, but I know that my calling towards them is the same. I am called to love them, and be a light in their lives!

Ok, well its late. I had to write this down, and I don't think I have enough pages left in my journal. So sorry if this makes no sense. Its mostly just my ramblings, hence the title of my blog, but nevertheless, these posts are me. If it made sense, then I'm glad, and I hope it spoke something to you too!
Daughter of the Most Amazing King,
Hannah