Its that little voice in the back of your mind saying "You're not good enough. Someone else is better." Its the slimy fingers of doubt that probe through your veins and the deep recesses of your mind. It might seem small, but it keeps you from so much of your life. FEAR.
It is a small word, composed of only 4 letters, but it describes the past few months in my life so perfectly. As I prepare to graduate from high school in a few weeks, it has begun to manifest itself in everything. Unlike most teenagers, I still have no idea where I want to go to college, which poses a problem, since most colleges require registrations by the end of March or April. There are so many paths I want to pursue, but they are all so very different from each other.
This past week, God told me what he wants me to do this next year, and what he wants me to pursue as a career, but here enters that 4 letter word again: FEAR. I am scared to death to follow this path. I'm scared of what my parents will think, what my friends will think, and what others will think. I've planned on staying home and going to college here this next year, and enjoy one more year before all my other friends head off to college. I want to stay and experience the year with my cousin who is coming for a year. I want the comfort of a town and friends I know. I don't want to leave everything I have here. But I feel God is calling me away from this. He is calling me to higher things that I don't yet understand. He has proved himself in the past, in situations I felt were out of my control.
Yet still I FEAR! I fear that I will regret doing this. I fear that I might me misreading his call. I fear that I'm not making the right decision. I'm going out of my comfort zone for something I'm not sure of. Fear is consuming me and constricting my heart. It wraps a little tighter every time I think about this decision.
Still, He who is in me is greater than He that is in the world. I have nothing left to do, or give, so I must trust that someway, somehow God will be glorified through this. I have to believe that His will is greater than any plan I could ever have for myself.
i would appreciate your prayers though.
Until next time,
Hannah
